Part 1 Learning to Love
Applying the teachings of Yoga to our relationships can be a potent way to learn and grow on the spiritual path.  Yoga teaches us that there is a natural, unchanging peace within us all.  When we experience that internal source of deep contentment, we also feel our interconnection with all of life and a natural love and compassion for each other.

When we lose touch with that inner sense of fulfillment, we look outside, often to each other, as a source of happiness.  We all may discover at times that we are unconsciously depending on others to feel good about ourselves or to feel safe enough to open our hearts.  Loving someone becomes contingent on feeling sure that she/he loves us.  Sri Swami Satchidananda would tease us about this form of love, calling it a business arrangement.

The love and support of others is not something we can control and count on to always be there.   So the more we depend on what others think or feel, the more we set ourselves up for disappointment and suffering.  Though we may have heard the teaching that nothing from outside ourselves can make us happy, we come face to face with that truth in our relationships.

Of course, we all enjoy the heart to heart connections we make with each other – deep friendship and intimate love are beautiful and powerful aspects of human life.  What we must learn is to love without looking for something in return, experiencing the joy of giving love. When a mother loves her baby, she doesn’t expect anything — the experience of opening one’s heart fully to another is itself fulfilling.  We are all learning, often from the pain of our unhealthy attachment to others, to love in this selfless way.

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Part 2 Maintaining Equanimity in Relationships
Just as we learn to open our hearts in relationships with those we love, we must also learn in our difficult relationships.  If we dislike someone that we find annoying or shun those that are struggling, we also suffer from closing our hearts with negativity.  The Yoga Sutras of Patanjali clearly advises us to cultivate an inner response of compassion to someone who is suffering.

In this context, a compassionate mindset does not dictate specific behavior.  It means that we keep our hearts open to the suffering of others.  Compassion may take many forms — anywhere from lending a helping hand to offering a prayer, acting with kindness or listening with empathy.  This practice keeps our hearts at peace, knowing that we too struggle when challenges arise.

The Yoga Sutras also address situations in which a person’s behavior is hurtful toward us or others.  Rather than judging or condemning such a person, we can cultivate equanimity of mind.  We may avoid such a person or set boundaries to protect ourselves, but we can refrain from developing anger or bitterness which have no real benefit, and act as a poison in our hearts.

Even when such behavior is directed at us, we can learn to not take it personally, so that someone else’s actions do not ruin our efforts to remain at peace.  We may still choose to correct a person’s inappropriate behavior, but without malice toward the person who is likely suffering in some way.

This last relationship is especially challenging since it is easy to be swept away by anger or resentment.  But the benefit of cultivating equanimity even in the most difficult circumstances holds immense potential for us. We can learn to live with peace in our hearts no matter what behavior we encounter.  Even a little progress allows for the natural flow of love and compassion outward through the heart, which is one of the most fulfilling expressions of our true nature.