by K. Muktidevi Demafeliz
What does it really mean to face adversity and how can we build the strength within ourselves to face the adversities in our lives? When I think about that, I think about the Sanskrit word
“tapas” which means “accepting pain for purification.” We need to face and go through our
difficulties, to accept, purge and then grow from our pains, our experiences. Like all of us, I have been through many trials and tribulations. They have been overcome with time, healing and growth and they have all brought me here to write this blog, but the one adversity I’d like to
share with you today is my diagnosis and living with Multiple Sclerosis (MS). This October will
be my 26 th year of living with MS.
MS is why I sought yoga in the first place, and then, over time, I fell in love with the practice.
Now, 16 years later, I want to share my journey with you.
Before I began my yogic/spiritual path, I was doing everything backwards; I was eating poorly,
not exercising regularly and was attaching myself to everything and everyone! When I was
introduced to yoga practice, it was because I had to figure out a way to “keep my body
moving” after being half-paralyzed, temporarily blind, speech impaired and a full list of other
symptoms. I was what we call a “hot mess,” but I knew I had to get my act together or else, I told myself, I was NOT going to make it. I was involved with the National MS Society and the MS community and I needed to figure out a way to balance everything and to lead a healthier lifestyle. I took my first yoga class back in March 2008, when I was employed at the SFPD Airport Bureau and had decided to join the Wellness Program at the SFO Airport. WOW… how that all changed my life, truly, for the better.
My first yoga teacher, who then became my mentor, Anthony “Tony” Garcia supported and
guided me through the teachings. I was four years into my practice when I started to have a
deeper understanding and connection with mySelf, with my body and breath. When I told Tony
“I want to become a yoga teacher, show me the way,” he shared literature with me and worked
with me, helping me to understand the science and philosophy behind yoga. He encouraged me to take yoga teacher training in the Integral Yoga® tradition and, when I stepped into the IYISF back in September 2014, that is what really changed my life forever.
During my very first yoga teacher training at the Institute, in the midst of the many hours of intense training, studying and many practice sessions, my mother was very ill with cancer. The challenge of caring for a sick parent while dealing with my own health condition was huge and my mind was in a constant blur. The uncertainty of my mother’s condition and my desire for her to live forever and my terror of losing her just as I was finally pursuing my passion to becoming a yoga teacher was all so very difficult. I was sleeping less than four hours a night, or none at all, while I cared for my mother and studied.
During that time and over the years, as I stuck with it, my yoga practice saved me, helping me
tremendously with my healing, growth and survival. During the teacher training, I was able to
really “be in the present moment and detach myself” from the people and things that were
binding me from internal happiness. I allowed the asanas, breath work and stillness
(meditation) to help carry me through and, day by day, they helped ease the pain I was feeling
inside my heart.
One of the spiritual sayings that really put things in perspective for me was “Pratipaksha Bhavana.” It tells us that when we are disturbed by negative thoughts, opposite (positive) ones should be brought to mind. By practicing Pratipaksha Bhavana in daily life, we are able to stop negative thoughts from overpowering a situation, which can then change the environment, bringing about a “positive” one.
My mother ended up taking her last breath on October 17, 2015 and passed away while in my
arms (boy that was hard). Although that was one of the most soul-crushing moments in my life,
it was also a special and beautiful moment for me. The same person who had given me life was
transitioning over to finding ultimate peace, with no pain or suffering, and I was able to witness
all of that with her. In recent years, I have found myself facing most of my traumatic hardships
and coming out on the other side, even when I did not think I was going to make it. Now, I want
to continue to thrive and be true (Satya) to myself with the saying, “its okay, to not be okay” and
to not be afraid to ask for help or to give myself permission to cry when I feel the need to.
PURGING is vital for the healing process. And learning and growing from what caused us pain
and suffering in the first place, being able to detach or “let go” of that pain is liberating,
lifesaving.
In closing, please practice LOVING yourself unconditionally (I know this can be challenging)
and do not say or think that you are less than anyone else if you feel that “something is wrong
with you.” You are your own ultimate higher Self. Love yourself fully so that you can love and
help others heal from their own adversities, giving them the space and voice to be heard.
Liberate yourself from what may be binding you to any sufferings, and know that one can
release and purge out and purify any pain (going back to tapas) by confronting and accepting
those pains. The pain is temporary. Liberate yourself, empower yourself and allow yourself to
heal through the power of your yoga practice.
You can join Muktidevi along with Swami Ramananda and Arpita Roy for Satsang: Facing Adversity, Sat. March 2 @ 5:30 pm – 6:30 pm PST online & in-person. Or attend Muktidevi’s Mixed Level Online Hatha class, every other Thursday from 6:00 – 7:00 pm.
K. Muktidevi Demafeliz is a born and raised San Franciscan and has been a yoga practitioner for 16 years. Her yoga practice began with her mentor Tony Garcia who guided her in the study of yoga back in 2012 through the SFO Airport’s Wellness Program. He encouraged her to pursue yoga teacher training, which she did, in the Integral Yoga tradition. She is certified in Basic Hatha I, Intermediate Hatha II, Accessible Yoga (Gentle), and certified in Mindful Resilience Training through the Veterans Yoga Project to teach trauma-informed yoga. She wishes to pursue future trainings such as Meditation Teacher Training in addition to Yoga for First Responders as she is the Well-Being Champion for the San Francisco Police Department. YOGA IS HER PASSION, and she expresses her love and enthusiasm for the practice with those she comes into contact with, on and off the mat. Muktidevi mentors and supports teacher trainees as well as newly certified teachers to help them continue to develop and grow while on their yogic path. She also supports the BIPOC Sangha which was born at the Integral Yoga Institute San Francisco (IYISF) and continues to serve these communities to help create ripples for change to establish a space of healing and empowerment. With that, yoga has impacted and transformed her life in such a positive and healthy way that she truly believes it is the saving grace for all. For 26 years, Muktidevi has been living with Multiple Sclerosis (MS) and continues to carry out the practices of yoga to help her maneuver through life’s challenges when facing adversity. She is a lifelong learner and strives to become the best version of herself to live her best life, regardless of what life may bring.