Maintaining Equanimity in Relationships
Just as we learn to open our hearts in relationships with those we love, we must also learn in our difficult relationships. If we dislike someone that we find annoying or shun those that are struggling, we also suffer from closing our hearts with negativity. The Yoga Sutras of Patanjali clearly advises us to cultivate an inner response of compassion to someone who is suffering.
In this context, a compassionate mindset does not dictate specific behavior. It means that we keep our hearts open to the suffering of others. Compassion may take many forms — anywhere from lending a helping hand to offering a prayer, acting with kindness or listening with empathy. This practice keeps our hearts at peace, knowing that we too struggle when challenges arise.
The Yoga Sutras also address situations in which a person’s behavior is hurtful toward us or others. Rather than judging or condemning such a person, we can cultivate equanimity of mind. We may avoid such a person or set boundaries to protect ourselves, but we can refrain from developing anger or bitterness which have no real benefit, and act as a poison in our hearts.
Even when such behavior is directed at us, we can learn to not take it personally, so that someone else’s actions do not ruin our efforts to remain at peace. We may still choose to correct a person’s inappropriate behavior, but without malice toward the person who is likely suffering in some way.
This last relationship is especially challenging since it is easy to be swept away by anger or resentment. But the benefit of cultivating equanimity even in the most difficult circumstances holds immense potential for us. We can learn to live with peace in our hearts no matter what behavior we encounter. Even a little progress allows for the natural flow of love and compassion outward through the heart, which is one of the most fulfilling expressions of our true nature.
