Learning to Love
Applying the teachings of Yoga to our relationships can be a potent way to learn and grow on the spiritual path. Yoga teaches us that there is a natural, unchanging peace within us all. When we experience that internal source of deep contentment, we also feel our interconnection with all of life and a natural love and compassion for each other.
When we lose touch with that inner sense of fulfillment, we look outside, often to each other, as a source of happiness. We all may discover at times that we are unconsciously depending on others to feel good about ourselves or to feel safe enough to open our hearts. Loving someone becomes contingent on feeling sure that she/he loves us. Sri Swami Satchidananda would tease us about this form of love, calling it a business arrangement.
The love and support of others is not something we can control and count on to always be there. So the more we depend on what others think or feel, the more we set ourselves up for disappointment and suffering. Though we may have heard the teaching that nothing from outside ourselves can make us happy, we come face to face with that truth in our relationships.
Of course, we all enjoy the heart to heart connections we make with each other – deep friendship and intimate love are beautiful and powerful aspects of human life. What we must learn is to love without looking for something in return, experiencing the joy of giving love. When a mother loves her baby, she doesn’t expect anything — the experience of opening one’s heart fully to another is itself fulfilling. We are all learning, often from the pain of our unhealthy attachment to others, to love in this selfless way.
