by Swami Ramananda
To go in the dark with a light is to know the light
To know the dark, go dark. Go without sight,
and find that the dark, too, blooms and sings,
and is traveled by dark feet and dark wings
Wendell Berry
This time of year in the Northern hemisphere, when the hours of darkness predominate, is conducive to slowing down and turning inward. Even as we celebrate the holidays with bright lights and decorations, gatherings and festive meals, this season beckons us to also honor the darkness and allow it to call us into stillness.
Even when the holidays are over, many of us live in a culture that resists a quiet inward orientation. Our senses are constantly lured outward with flashy images, sound bites and all manner of entertainment, expressly designed to capture and keep our attention. It’s intoxicating and another example of how modern technology has separated us from the natural rhythms of life.
If you’ve ever been camping overnight, you know how practical it is to set up camp before nightfall, stay put and wait for the light to move on. In the same way, winter calls for us to pause from so much activity, take stock of where we are and wait until the way forward is clear.
We have much to learn from turning inward and reflecting on the obstacles that limit our spiritual growth and prevent us from navigating daily life with peace in our hearts. Increased self-awareness enables us to disentangle ourselves from the habitual thought patterns that cloud our vision. Then we can uncover the roots of our suffering and expose the unconscious beliefs that are the seeds for frustration and struggle.
Even when fear, frustration or grief is triggered from some deeper place inside, we may not take the time to look into it. We may unconsciously avoid such painful emotions that can feel like a sign of weakness or conflict with the self-image we are trying to maintain. It’s easy to feel too busy to dwell on something we cannot easily understand and makes us feel ashamed or depressed.
We may need the support of a trusted friend to feel safe enough to look in the dark corners of our hearts and allow ourselves to explore painful emotions. When we are able to be with our anger or grief and let those energies move, we can often see the unhealthy expectations or desires that gave rise to them.
Another example of the need for listening into our darkness is the way our good intentions to make lifestyle changes can be thwarted by some subconscious resistance. How often does a New Year’s resolution peter out within a few weeks? And consider how difficult it can be to let go of some addictive behavior even when we really want to. The ways we overindulge in unhealthy habits may be methods of compensating for the painful aspects of our lives or ways to avoid feeling how our hearts are hurting.
If we are willing to look at ourselves with honesty and compassion, instead of the harsh judgement that makes reflecting so painful, we may be able to perceive the hidden needs that lurk beneath our awareness. It took me years to really understand that my moments of compulsive eating were a subconscious reaction to the way I would push myself beyond my limits out of some unknown need to feel worthy of love.
Writing regularly in a journal can be helpful in exposing the concealed energies that are influencing our behavior and thinking. We can experiment this way with giving a voice to the hidden needs that might compel us to spin the truth, fall again into an old habit, or blurt out some hurtful words that we soon regret. A regular meditative practice also helps to develop the neutral awareness and clarity to make space for the unspoken voices that lie beneath the surface of the mental lake.
Shining the light of awareness into the darkness this way, enables us to include these messages as we plant new seeds for future growth. Before we look for the return of the light and warmth that comes with Spring, let’s remember to lean into the darkness for the stillness, maturation and inner strength it brings to our lives.