by Swami Vimalananda
Surrendering is letting go of our ego’s identifications, opinions, attachments and desires along with the delusion of control. It is connecting with the supreme being through the inner voice of wisdom which is enveloped in unconditional love. It is giving up the delusion that happiness is found outside of our own hearts. If we choose this path of letting go it is possible to live in grace and independence from the world and its agenda. Often we believe we can control outcomes to suit our narrow and skewed perceptions of what we think we need and/or what other’s need.
As a mother I was committed to my delusion that I knew what was best for my children. I tried to control their environment and to shape it in ways I thought was best. This included how everyone else should respond to my kids. In my delusion, I was constantly confronted with the reality that everyone else also had their own agendas.
When my oldest daughter was in high school, she and her friend played softball for the local softball league. Both girls received invitations to play for a very competitive team located in another area. An important benefit to being accepted was every girl on the team received scholarships to various colleges. The local league’s president’s daughter was not chosen for the team. The local league refused to let them go, even with the knowledge of what was being forfeited. I was astounded, for the first time I felt on a visceral level what minority mothers must feel when their children are denied opportunities out of others’ prejudices and self-interests.
It is an example of how enmeshed we are in each other’s desires, with all of us struggling to get what we think we need to be happy. How desperate our desires become until as Sri Gurudev stated, “The pot becomes too hot to hold on to and we finally drop it.”
With a practice to quiet the mind and study our thoughts, we slowly begin to see our own agendas clearly and become more anchored in our hearts with the silent witness. A beautiful experience begins to take shape with the inner voice becoming louder and clearer. It isn’t that we have to create anything. We have always had that inner voice but we do not always listen. In the story of Pinocchio, Jiminy Cricket advises Pinocchio how to do the right thing, Pinocchio momentarily agrees and then is whisked off to fulfill his desires, inevitably leading to a disaster. Because desires are much stronger in the turbulent mind than the quiet still voice, we are often whisked away. The quiet still voice never demands its way.
Some years ago, around Christmas time, I remember driving in a congested shopping area when a car behind me began to honk his horn, he just laid on it. I decided I was going to get out of the car and tell him to take a deep breath, just cool it. I was halfway out of the car when the quiet voice said to me, “Are you sure you want to do this?”
Slowly a trusting and beautiful interplay begins to happen. It is a loving voice, always pointing out the best way, and as we chance it and follow it, we come to realize that not only is it the best for us but for everyone else as well. A sweet intimate relationship grows, a trusting and loving relationship.
One time when I was in Hawaii with my two daughters a huge storm was raging. It was at night and as I laid in bed I began to imagine a possible storm surge or even a tsunami occurring. We were right on the beach and directly across the street were steep cliffs. I pictured myself trying to climb these cliffs with the raging storm and a complete lack of ability for rock climbing. I was really working myself up into a frenzy. Sri Gurudev came to me and I put my head in his lap, he stroked my brow and I quickly fell asleep. I will never forget the gift he gave me.
With a loving relationship of trust, a building of faith develops. As Kabir said, “it is like a bird that begins to sing in the dark knowing that the dawn is coming.”
There was a time not so long ago when I was very worried about my son who was ill. I was afraid when he became wheelchair bound that I would be unable to take care of him. What would I need to do, agencies to call, etc. Gurudev’s voice came to me and said, “He belongs to me now.” I got it. I just have to love him, all the rest would be taken care of.
As faith becomes solid, our inner voice becomes the decision maker. Our inner voice becomes the vehicle to surrender. We are free from all the fear and turbulence of the world. We are nestled in an intimate and unconditional loving relationship feeling we are completely taken care of. Gradually we lose even the feeling of separateness to the inner voice and then the inner voice stands alone.
Tripping Over Joy by Hafiz
What is the difference
Between your experience of existence
And that of a saint?
The saint knows
That the spiritual path
Is a sublime chess game with God
And that the Beloved
Has just made such a fantastic move
That the saint is now continually
Tripping over joy
And bursting out in laughter
And saying, “I surrender!”
Wheras, my dear,
I am afraid you think
You have a thousand serious moves.
I Heard God Laughing, Renderings of Hafiz
Swami Vimalananda, RYT500, is an Integral Yoga sannyasi – monk. She has been involved with Integral Yoga since 1971 and Director of the San Francisco Integral Yoga Institute from 1992-2011. She specializes in teaching yoga philosophy and spiritual counseling.